The months of January and February were extremely hard. It seemed like we had a long, hard, cold winter. Let's just say that I am so glad that Spring is here. January and February were hard since we were approaching Avery and Landon's first birthday. This wasn't the typical first birthday. We were excited that Avery was turning one.....could not believe that a year had already gone by! But also, terribly missing our son Landon. I just couldn't believe that it had already been a year since I held my son. I have heard that the weeks leading up to a "first" milestone are sometimes harder than the actual day of the milestone. The weeks leading up to the first birthday were very hard. I just didn't know what to expect. Uncertainty is so very hard. I continued to pray over and over that, "God, just take over....I can't do it." And He did. My husband and I had come up with some great ideas for their birthday. We wanted a special day for Avery, but also a special time to remember Landon. I had come up with a butterfly theme. A lot of you know my thing with butterflies. The fact that I tend to see butterflies everywhere....and I tend to see them when I am very down. I ordered a butterfly cake pan and I made 2 butterfly cakes. I iced Avery's cake with pink icing and blue accents on the wings and I iced Landon's cake with blue icing and pink accents on the wings. It symbolized that Avery and Landon are still connected.....even from heaven.
The day of the first birthday ended up being such a special day. All of our family was there to be with us. Avery really enjoyed eating her birthday cake and opening up her presents!
Ryan and I also decided that we wanted to do a balloon release outside with our family on the day of their first birthday. We had blue and pink balloons and everyone got to write a message on their balloon. Our 6 year-old son, Logan, wrote the sweetest message to Landon about how he missed him and couldn't wait to see him in heaven. Our 3 year-old daughter, Addison, drew a picture on her balloon for Landon. At this time, Ryan and I had the chance to share how Landon's life has affected our life. We also had a special time of prayer before we released the balloons. As we were releasing the balloons, our kids and my brother's kids were all saying how the balloons were going up into heaven to Landon so he could have them for his birthday.
We also went to Floral Haven to place some flowers and balloons on Landon's marker. My sister met us out there and she had the prettiest butterfly decorations to place in the vase with the flowers. I also found some butterfly balloons to tie onto the vase. Our kids were such a big help in decorating Landon's marker. I am so proud of them. When we were there, we also did another balloon release.
I am just in awe of all of the support we received around their first birthday. My best friend came the day of the birthday and brought a gift for both Avery and Landon. She also gave me the February birthstone charm to add to the bracelet she gave me on Christmas. She had also given me the butterfly charm on Christmas because she knew how much butterflies meant to me. Another dear, close friend brought by the most amazing book ever. She had some of our closest, dearest friends write letters to us about how their lives were touched by Landon. She also had pictures of Landon and Avery together when they were born. This was such an amazing gift. Reading the letters brought many tears, but also so much peace at the same time. It will always be such a treasure. This close friend also brought the cutest black and white butterfly outfit for Avery. I had Avery's one year pictures taken in this outfit. Hopefully, I can figure out how to post those pictures on my blog. :) They turned out so good! There are also so many more ways people reached out to us. Another very dear friend of mine sent us a letter in the mail that we got on their birthday. She shared with us her heart and specific journal entries around the time that we lost Landon. Reading this letter also brought us a huge amount of peace. Another dear friend shared with me an amazing dream she had and how God specifically told her to pray. This was another way how God revealed Himself to us. We are just so amazed at the outpouring of love and support from our friends and family.
Another milestone that we conquered just the day after their first birthday was Avery's baby dedication. Once again, God took care of every detail. We met with our pastor a few weeks before the dedication so talk about what we would like to do and to get his feedback. It turned out being such a special, sweet time. We were able to have pictures of Avery and Landon together and also pictures of Avery during her first year.
One of the reasons we have been so busy is that we moved! God completely had His hand upon us moving. We were blessed to have an amazing group of people from our church help us with selling our home and finding and buying our new home. Shortly after their first birthday, Ryan and I were talking about how we needed more room. And, we have a very good reason why we need more room!! Ok, I do have some very exciting news to share! A lot of you already know this, but we are expecting!!! We are so excited! I am about 16 1/2 weeks along. Yes, I count that half! Especially when you are nauseated and throwing up everyday! The sickness has gotten a lot better and I am so thankful for that. We did wait a while to tell most people. So, around week 13-14 we shared our news! Our friends continue to show us so much love and support. Two of my close and dear friends loaded me up with the cutest maternity clothes. One of these amazing girls also gave me Angie Smith's new book, "I Will Carry You." It is such a good book. I'm almost through and I already want to read it again.
God continues to reveal Himself to us....in big and in small ways. I am just so amazed by his love. Our due date just happens to be Oct. 15th. This day holds great relevance to us. It just happens to be the National Day of remembering infant loss. Wow. God is amazing. To me this means that even though we are having another baby, Landon will always be with us. He will always be in our hearts and we "Will carry him" until we get to see him again. God knew that I needed this and He once again took care of every detail.
