Monday, December 14, 2009

Pictures of Thanksgiving, milestones and gingerbread houses :)

Ryan and I are continuing to start new traditions. We have found that this has been very helpful during our healing. So, as a result.....we had Thanksgiving at our house for the first time! We were excited to host Thanksgiving. Ryan's parents were in town for the holiday and they helped with all of the preparations. My mom and stepdad and most of my siblings were there and everyone pitched in. A new tradition that we have started is to go to a movie together as a family on Thanksgiving evening. We all went to see "A Christmas Carol." The kids just loved it....especially since they got to wear the cool 3-D glasses! The next day, we went to my aunt and uncle's house, here in Tulsa, where we celebrated another Thanksgiving dinner with my dad and stepmom and my siblings. It was so nice to be around family during this time. Here are a few pics of our holiday.


Avery's first Thanksgiving :)



Papa, Logan and Addison enjoying their Thanksgiving dinner




Family picture - Thanksgiving 2009




Mommy and Avery

Cute little Avery :)


After our thanksgiving dinner together, we went out to decorate Landon's marker with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a thanksgiving bib that we wrapped around the bottom of the vase. I can only imagine the type of celebration that Landon got to experience on his first Thanksgiving with our Lord and Saviour in heaven.





Well, let's talk about some of Avery's milestones. You all would just not believe how much Avery is changing before our eyes! She is growing so fast and is doing so many new things. She has been such a blessing and we are so thankful for her. She now has 4 teeth....two top and two bottom. This just makes her smile even cuter! So now she gets to enjoy those yummy biter biscuits! :)


Hmmm...let's see. Do I like this?





Ahhh yes....this is great! Finally, I get to chew something!!! :)

Avery is also starting to crawl! It is just so cute to see her little body crawling around everywhere! And boy, does she like the fact that she is now mobile. It is so cute to see her try to keep up with Logan and Addison.



We also had a lot of fun making our very first gingerbread house! Logan and Addison were eating the candy faster than daddy was trying to put it on the house!


Logan and Addison were very proud of their creation! This will definitely be something we will continue to do each Christmas!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Thankfulness

I don't even know where to begin. So many thoughts and feelings right now it is so overwhelming. Our family just got through our first Thanksgiving without our son, Landon. I knew the holidays were going to be rough, but you just don't really know how hard it will be until it's right there staring at you in the face. It is so hard to continue traditions that you are used to doing when there is someone not there to share it. When I was pregnant, I had so many thoughts and dreams about how our life would be with twins. I remember thinking that they would both be in high chairs eating baby food by the time we celebrated Thanksgiving. I envisioned what our table would look like with our family all around and two high chairs by the table. I am trying so hard to be thankful for what I have, but at the same time I am missing my son so much. And I know that this is okay. I can't expect too much out of myself right now...that is just too unrealistic. I was not able to help put up any Christmas decorations. I am so thankful for my husband who understands me and he took care of all the decorating. One tradition that we have is that I set up our Dicken's villages each year. I started collecting these about 10 years ago when my grandma gave me my first one. Then, when my grandma passed away almost 2 years ago, she wanted me to have some of hers. My husband got these down from the attic and all it took was one look and I broke down. I just had to check out for a while. And that is okay. I am just surviving right now and trying to get through the holidays. I know that next year will be easier and I am hopeful for that.

But, in the midst of all of this, I do realize how much I am thankful for. Most of all, I am thankful for my God. I am thankful for His sovereignty. I am thankful that He is in control and I am not. I am thankful for His love and grace and mercy. I am thankful everytime He reveals Himself to my family and myself. God I love you so much. Thank you for your unbelievable love and for giving us peace especially in our lowest times. I am also thankful for my family. They have been my rock during all of this. Thank you for letting me be sad but for also rejoicing with me when we see God's work so evident in our lives. I am thankful for my children who give me so much joy. I am thankful for just this morning when my 3 year-old said, "You know mom, God is easy to find because He is everywhere." Gosh, did I ever need to hear that at that particular time. I am also thankful for my church family and friends. You have truly been God's hands and feet. Thank you for allowing God to use you to provide healing for us. Thank you for listening to me and just allowing me to talk things through. I know you have probably heard the same story over and over, but you sit and listen like it is the first time you have heard it. I am thankful for our small group study and the amazing couples that were a part of it. Thank you for allowing me to be so transparent and for your amazing love. And, I am also thankful for the opportunity to share the dance to "There Will Be a Day" at church. This is a dance that God placed on my heart and it was my gift to Landon and was also a big part of my healing.

Above all, I am thankful for everyone's prayers. They have been so powerful and evident during our healing. As Christmas approaches, I do know that it will be a difficult time. But, I know this time will be covered in prayer. And for that, I am truly thankful.

I love you all so much,
Michelle

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

What a MarValous time we had!

Ok, so I'm finally posting pictures of our recent camping trip. We went to MarVal resort which is located in Gore, Ok. We had such a fun time! This was our first camping trip as a family. It's still considered camping even when you're staying in a cabin, right? :) Jennifer Daley did such an amazing job putting all of this together. I hope this is something that we will all get to do together every fall.

Here are some of the pics of our fun weekend!

The kiddos had so much fun on the playground that was there at the camp









Having fun in the huge, open field behind our cabin - it was beautiful!







Logan and Andrew taking a rest while waiting for the hayride





What a cute picture of Caitlin and Quinn by the pumpkins!



Such a sweet picture of Jen and Hannah :)


Clay, Quinn and Addie having fun with all the art activities




The kids even got to play putt-putt!




The hayride to the field where the kiddos got to plant their pumpkin seeds!


The kids got to plant their pumpkin seeds that magically turned into pumpkins 1-2 hrs later :)





Aww....now aren't we cute? :)




Jen and Katch having fun on the bikes while we waited for our pumpkins to grow :)





So cute!! Quite a few people thought Avery was Sarah's baby! Avery just loves Miss Sarah!









The kiddos took a hayride back to the pumpkin patch to find their pumpkins




The hayride back to camp with pumpkins in tow!



Then, the kids got to paint their pumpkins when we got back to camp




Katch, Logan, Addison and Avery gearing up for going trick-or-treating from cabin to cabin




Addison, Logan and Madeline having fun getting candy!



Our cute little Avery dressed up as a strawberry for her 1st Halloween





Katch and Avery having fun at the cabin


Well, this was just a little sample of the fun we had at MarVal. We also had a great time getting to eat together as a big group around the campfire. It doesn't get any better than hamburgers, hot dogs, and of course.....smores. :) Looking forward to next year!

Love to all,

Michelle

What a MarValous time we had!



Ok, I'm finally getting our pictures up from our recent camping trip to MarVal which is located in Gore, OK. We had such a great time! This was our first time as a family to go camping. It's still ok to call it camping when you're in a cabin, right? :) Jennifer Daley did an amazing job at putting this all together. I hope this is something that we will all get to do together every year in the fall.




Here are some of the pics of our fun weekend:








Sunday, October 25, 2009

So many mixed feelings

I just have so many thoughts running around in my head right now. Overall, October has been a very hard month. I really don't know why. We had so many days of clouds and rain. The sky finally cleared up and we had some nice sunny days.....thank God. I think I am just scared of what lies ahead. We have so many holidays coming up. I am just having a hard time figuring out how to feel. I want to feel happy and excited about what we will get to do as a family. But, my heart just aches and longs for Landon so much. I am so thankful that we have Avery and she nurtures my soul so much....but at the same time I miss my son. It is so hard going back and forth like this. Some days I can get through okay and other days the grief is so suffocating. Oh God, please continue to give me and my family peace. It has been amazing to see what You have done for us.....please continue to be close to us.

Tonight Channel 8 will have a story about infant loss. October is National Awareness month for infant loss. We got a call not too long ago from the amazing people that took Landon's pictures. They called to see if it would be ok for Channel 8 to show some of Landon's pictures. At first I felt numb. So surreal. Was I really getting this call? Did this really happen to me? I just want him to be here with us.....I don't want to get a call like this! I was so mad. I broke down and sobbed. I asked God why? Why did this have to happen? I don't understand. I went outside and took a long walk....just needed to talk to God for a while. First of all, I saw so many butterflies. I can't tell you how many butterflies I have seen since we lost Landon. Then, I started thinking. This is one thing that we can do for Landon. To have his pictures as part of this story on the news. Maybe someone needs to see this.....maybe it will help someone else. That is my prayer. I hope that someone is touched by this and that it will reach out to someone that might be going through the same thing. I brought this up at the last MEND meeting. This is the support group I go to that is for families that have lost babies. I am so thankful to God for this group. I have missed it a couple of times because we have been out of town, but it was so good to go back. I just wish it was more than once a month. I haven't known the other ladies in this group very long, but when you have shared a similar situation like this, they "get" you....they understand exactly how you feel. It just helps to know that your are not alone in this journey. I am so thankful for them.


I have been wanting to share these pictures for quite a while now and I am just able to do this. Many of you know about the flower garden we planted for Landon. The flowers have been so beautiful. I took some of his flowers to go place them on his marker several weeks ago. I also wanted to get some pictures of Avery at Landon's marker. My wonderful friend, Sarah, went with me and helped. I'm so glad she was there. I knew this was going to be hard but it is just one of those things that I have to do. I know I couldn't have done this several months ago. You just don't know what you are going to do until you are "in it" and experiencing it at that time. But I do know that God is "in it" with you every step of the way.















I just wish there was more I could do for Landon. I write to him all the time and journal about what we are doing as a family and what Avery is doing. I have started this blog for Landon which is something else I can do for him and it helps me so much. Landon, I love you so much. I still get to "hold you" in my heart. I still feel so close to you. You will always be there.

This next picture reminds me that Avery is our gift from God. This picture also reminds me of God's promises. "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. " Romans 5:1-4.


"The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made." Ps 145:13

I also believe with all my heart that, "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil 1:6. God will complete what he starts. His work may seem unfair, it may even be painful, it may involve changes that cause you to question His goodness. But, He knows what is necessary. And He will do it. And I trust Him and love Him with all my heart.


We have found our "pot of gold" at the end of the rainbow :)

I also want to use this blog to share about what we are getting to do as a family. Once again, I am trying so hard to continue to make memories and to get to experience new things with my family. We just got back from an amazing camping trip with some wonderful friends from church. We went to a place called Marval. I don't have any pictures ready yet, but those will come on the next blog post! We had so much fun! The kids got to go on a hayride and plant pumpkin seeds and then a couple of hours later, they got to go back to the pumpkin patch and pick their pumpkins. They loved it! We had a campfire and cooked hamburgers and hot dogs and of course....smores! Our kids also got to put on their costumes and go trick-or-treating to all the cabins. It was such a fun weekend. It just went by too fast. I just want to thank you all again for continuing to pray for us and for being there for us in so many ways.



I do want to take this time to say thank you. Thank you for being so patient with me as I continue on with this unpredictable journey of grief. Some days it is easy for me to open up and share....and this is what helps me so much. Don't be afraid to ask me how I'm doing or how I am feeling. This does help. I may have a lot to say one day and not so much another. But, just know that I love you and am so glad you're part of my life. I couldn't imagine it any other way.


Bless you and love you all,


Michelle

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Freshman girls devotional #1

New Friend Request: Session 1 Devotional
NO CLONES
By Tim Walker
If you’re anything like me, I usually walk into a room of strangers and start looking for the people who look like me. Okay, not exactly like me—I’m not that vain. But I tend to find people who seem to dress similar to me, who are around my same age, who seem to be a “similar status” as me. But the ironic thing is that most of the time, once I start a conversation with those people; I’m bored out of my mind. Or the conversation just is strained, awkward, and we’re done talking after about a minute.
It’s “comfortable” to seek out people who are like me, but if I’m honest with myself, most of the people who are closest to me are nothing like me. And that’s a good thing. King Solomon was the wisest man—ever. He wrote things like: “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm” (Proverbs 13:20 NIV). And from his son Rehoboam’s decisions, one just might think he wasn’t listening to his dad’s advice.
Then King Rehoboam consulted the elders who had served his father Solomon during his lifetime. “How would you advise me to answer these people?” he asked.
They replied, “If today you will be a servant to these people and serve them and give them a favorable answer, they will always be your servants.”
But Rehoboam rejected the advice the elders gave him and consulted the young men who had grown up with him and were serving him. He asked them, “What is your advice? How should we answer these people who say to me, ‘Lighten the yoke your father put on us’?”
The young men who had grown up with him replied, “Tell these people who have said to you, ‘Your father put a heavy yoke on us, but make our yoke lighter’—tell them, ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s waist. My father laid on you a heavy yoke; I will make it even heavier. My father scourged you with whips; I will scourge you with scorpions.’”
Three days later Jeroboam and all the people returned to Rehoboam, as the king had said, “Come back to me in three days.”
The king answered the people harshly. Rejecting the advice given him by the elders, he followed the advice of the young men and said, “My father made your yoke heavy; I will make it even heavier. My father scourged you with whips; I will scourge you with scorpions.”
So the king did not listen to the people, for this turn of events was from the LORD, to fulfill the word the LORD had spoken to Jeroboam son of Nebat through Ahijah the Shilonite.
When all Israel saw that the king refused to listen to them, they answered the king: “What share do we have in David, what part in Jesse’s son? To your tents, O Israel! Look after your own house, O David!” So the Israelites went home (1 Kings 12:6-16 NIV).
Rehoboam chose to ignore the people who were different than him, in order to follow the advice of those who were just like him. And the advice of his friends, the ones he grew up, turned out to be very bad.
There are people in your life now, people who are so different from you, that you may be completely oblivious to because you have this picture of what your friends should look like, how they should dress, what kind of financial status they should have. And there may be someone in your life or someone you know who doesn’t fit any of those criteria, but could be someone who brings a different perspective, teaches you new things and even inspires you to be more like Christ.
When we don’t allow people into our lives who look and act differently than we do, we end up less. Too much time in the company of people exactly like you starts to affect you—just ask Rehoboam. It starts to make you think that if someone isn’t like you, than they aren’t good enough. We start to judge people and their worth based on how closely they resemble us, and we think that God is on board with it. But don’t be fooled—He’s not. God isn’t only like me. He isn’t only like you. And, God didn’t make a world full of clones. But when we begin to act like we, and people like us, are the only people worth investing in, we start to shrink God. We start to undermine His creativity and the pleasure He finds in the diversity among us. God is much bigger than that. And He wants us to be bigger than our sometimes narrow view of other people.
There is one thing in common you definitely want in a good friend—you want to have people close to you who have an active relationship with Jesus Christ. People who love Him, not only with their words, but with their lives. But their interests, their perspectives can be completely different than yours.
The world is much bigger than us. It is much bigger than people like us. Do you believe that there is more to you and more to me than just who we already are right now? What if there was this incredible untapped potential to become so much bigger than we even thought possible if we just began to entertain this idea that there are people out there who are going to shake our lives up, maybe push our buttons every once in awhile, but who will expand our world in ways we could never do on our own?
What if someone different from you wasn’t bad, but was just what you needed to become the person God has in mind? Would you choose them, pick them, accept them as friends as different as they be from you—even if no one around you, including yourself, understood “why them”?


**I would love to hear your thoughts about this devotional if you would like to share. You can post a comment and I will get back with you. :) Don't feel like you have to share, but it is open if you would like. Also, if any of you has a prayer request, you can post that as well if you would like and that way I will know how to pray for you. Let me know about answered prayers too! I love each and every one of you girls. **

Sunday, August 30, 2009

So many firsts!!!

Our family has been busy experiencing so many fun firsts lately! First of all, Logan has started first grade! We can't believe it. He is really enjoying school and loves riding the bus to and from school. Mommy was a little nervous at first about the bus thing, but one of his best friends has the same bus stop and they get to sit by each other everyday. Here are some pictures of his first day of first grade:










Addison had so much fun at her first ballet and tap dance classes. She is taking at the same dance studio that I took from! Here she is just loving her new dance bag!



This is Addison after her first class. She was so excited! This was the only picture I managed to get because she was so excited she couldn't stand still.




Even when we made it home, she was still all smiles. She left her dance clothes and tap shoes on for dinner and most of that evening!




We just can't believe that Avery is already 6 months old! She tried cereal for the first time yesterday. She wasn't too sure what to think about it, but she did pretty good for her first time.








I have to share this adorable picture of Avery. She really loves her swing outside now! We have been spending a lot of time outside with this beautiful weather we have been having. Her smile just warms my heart and soul.



I also wanted to share some pictures of the flower garden that we planted for Landon. It is just beautiful. We have never seen flowers grow like this in our yard before. The flowers are attracting beautiful monarch butterflies. Landon, these flowers are for you. We love you so much sweetie. You live in our hearts forever. I am so thankful and hopeful that I will get to see you and hold you again. I'm forever your mommy.